Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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