hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
