Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
