There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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