I feel like abortions should bother me more
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Randomize
