Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
