We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
