kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
