Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
