Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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