I wanna bring you to show and tell
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
