everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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