dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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