shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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