I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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