Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Operation Purity has been aborted
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
