He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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