Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
