well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You may now shotgun with the bride
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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