So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
