He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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