I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
