My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This toilet bowl is my home.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
