I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
