No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
