Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
two words...techno handjob
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
