to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
