Swine flu. Run for my life!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
