I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
