I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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