i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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