I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
