I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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