dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
from now on my penis is your penis
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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