ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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