Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
...so i touched it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
