Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
