Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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