thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
