And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
