my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
