You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
