I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
