thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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