I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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