Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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