All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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