i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
