Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
