go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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