you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Randomize
