The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
