I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
