just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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