So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
