I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
