I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Boobs are out for the taking
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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