What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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