You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
