i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
