i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
worst night to have a conscience
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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